Friday, 1 January 2016

2016, The Year I Finally Grow Up?

Before looking ahead to 2016 and what the year will bring to my personal life, I need to look back at 2015 first.
To be fair, 2015 has been one of the roughest years in my life so far. Things were looking very grim at the start of the year when I decided to go into therapy to tackle my many many issues. Mostly they had to do with insecurities that were my demons and were driving me insane. I spent a good year of 2015 in therapy, from January untill September and even though I wasn't always happy about going, I'm really glad I did.
I have some demons I will probably never get rid off. I've been firmly raised with the idea that nothing I did was ever good enough, so whenever something goes wrong I immediatly blame myself and kick myself over it again and again. I shouldn't do that and I've come far enough to prevent it a lot now, but every now and then I still go back into that black mood. It's almost cost me a friendship and probably a lot of job opportunities, but in the end I feel stronger for it. It was also the year where I was desperately trying to find a job and finally managed to get a permanent one in November.
For the first time in my life I have actually been challenged to manage my time better and even though the first weeks or so were panicky for me I think I finally managed to find a rythm that works and so I can start doing other stuff than just sleep when I come home from work.

I don't want to look back on 2015 too much because all in all it has just been a painful year. Instead I want to focus on 2016 and how I plan to achieve my goals!

First off: The Weight Thing
I've been struggling with my weight for a very long time now and last year marked my peak where I was on my heaviest. A combination of not getting any exercise and binge eating brought me to 75kg, which is quite too heavy for a girl my length. Ever since I've started my job in November I've gotten a Fitbit and a more healthy lifestyle and the results are slowly paying off. Even though I'm not going to the gym as often as I should, I already am losing some weight and am hovering around 70kg now. My goal for 2016 is to get down to 60kg again and preferably a bit below. This means I will need to keep an eye on what I eat but also make more of an effort to go to the gym, especially on days where I don't work.
My ultimate goal is to drop down all the way to <55kg but no further than 50. I have been down there in the past (about 3-4 years ago) so I know I can do it, it just requires some effort on my behalf.

To help me get there I decided to try out a reward system for myself. One of the game stores close to where I live has a sale on Disney Infinity Figurines and I'm planning to buy 3 of them and pack them up. Whenever I drop 2 kg's I get to open one up and use it for my game. I really hope I can stick to this and that it will be positive reinforcement to keep on losing weight! Ofcourse this means I only have a reward for the first 6 kg's going off, but I'll think of more rewards later for when I hit 62 and ultimately 60kg. I want the 60 kg to be a big reward since it means I will have reached my goal then... Any suggestions in that area are therefore welcome!

Moving Out
The moment I got my job I started cheering. Not only does this mean I have a more permanent source of income... It also means I can start looking for a place to live.
I'm turning 27 in March and it really is time to get my own place. I've been desperately wanting to move out since I was 18, but real life happened and it's been delayed and delayed. Now that I can start building a steady and solid income and put a lot of money aside I think moving out will be one of my biggest priorities in 2016.
This will mean I need to discuss a lot of money things with my dad and my uncle, mostly about whether I'm able to buy a house or that renting is my only option for now. For now I'm just waiting for my first real tax business so I can learn the ropes there and maybe get some money back that I've paid to much last year!

Other resolutions
Like most people I have to admit I'm more or less addicted to screen time. My job involves hanging infront of a computer three to four days a week and when I get home I immediatly transfer to another screen to play games. Put phone/tablet use inbetween and it feels like I am online 24/7. I want to try to limit this time by not allowing myself to take my tablet and/or phone to bed with me anymore.

Tieing in with this is my desire to finally get a healthy sleep rythm going in the first place. Going to bed early on workdays is something that is already happening, but I notice I just don't get enough sleep. So I put an alarm on my phone that will go off at 22.45 on evenings where I have work the next morning, signaling me to close down and finish whatever it is I am doing and start heading to bed. This way I hope I'll be able to fall asleep easier and at a more appropriate time so that I don't feel so tired during the day anymore. Which also means I don't feel the need to immediatly head to bed the moment I come home from work. If I can pull this off I will probably also feel much better on my days off... Which will help me be more energetic in general and pursue my weight loss goal by just going to the gym on the mornings I am off.

All in all I hope 2016 is the year where everything comes together for me. I've had such a shitty time last year on so many fronts... I really just need some positivity in my life.

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